Textové vtipy

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Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Santas v ned 16. lis 2008 15:25:16

Oci? Co to znamena formatujem disk C?

Programator sedi za pocitacom, zrazu sa otvoria dvere a vojde smrt s kosou, ale len taka malicka, tri a pol palcova. Programator vstane cely vystraseny. Ja chcem este Zit! Smrt nanho pozrie: Klud! Nejdem za tebou, ale za tvojim hardiskom!

Staré milénium:
Koľko rečí vieš, toľko krát si človekom.
Nové milénium:
Koľko krát máš mobil, toľko krát si človekom.
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod McLaren v čtv 29. led 2009 23:59:39

Veverka sedí na stromě a louská oříšky.
Rozlouskne první - stříbrné šaty.
Rozlouskne druhý - zlaté šaty.
Rozlouskne třetí - svatební šaty.
Veverka se rozpláče, schoulí se na větvičku a vzlyká:
"Se kvůli zasraný pohádce ani nenažeru.. "
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Caps Lock v sob 21. úno 2009 16:34:27

Zemřel programátor.Nejdřív jde do nebe,kde mu svatý Petr oznámý že kvůli užívání nelegálního softvaru musí do pekla. Za tři dny volá do nebe sám ďábel: "Co jste mi to sem poslali? Ten magor mi pozabíjel všechny čerty, rozmlátil všechny hrnce a už dva dny tu lítá a řve »kde je vchod do dalšího levlu«."
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Caps Lock v sob 21. úno 2009 16:40:29

Jde inspektor po blázinci a otevře první dveře. Tam visí na stropě a na lustru asi 10 bláznů. Inspektor se na ně podívá a řekne: "Listopad." Všichni blázni popadaji na zem. To samé se opakuje i ve druhém pokoji. Když otevře třetí dveře zase visí blázni na stropě. Řekne: "Listopad." A nic. Najednou se ozve: "My jsme jehličnatý les."
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Caps Lock v sob 21. úno 2009 16:45:09

Letí blázni v letadle. Letadlo se chvílemi naklání vpravo a chvílemi vlevo. Pilot říká druhému: "Jdi se tam podívat, co Ti blázni, dělají. Za chvilku se druhý pilot vrátí a říká: "Oni tam hrají fotbal." "Tak jim něco řekni." Letadlo se uklidní. Druhý pilot se vrátí. První se ptá: "Co jsi jim řekl?" "Ať jdou hrát ven." :lol:
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod newsreceiver v sob 21. úno 2009 21:42:06

no tak jeden sem hodim, na ktorom sme sa nedavno celkom bavili ...

pride Katka v noci z diskoteky a hovori matke "mami citim sa ako slnecnica..."

zdesena matka sa pozrie na dceru a pyta sa jej "co sa Ti stalo?"

"som plna semienok..."
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Haďas v úte 24. bře 2009 16:38:20

Zloděj vyloupí banku, vezme dva muže jako rukojmí a ptá se prvního:
"Viděl jsi mě jak, vykrádám banku?"
Muž odpoví: "Ano."
Zloděj jej okamžitě zastřelí ranou z pistole do hlavy.
Potom se ptá druhého muže, zda viděl, jak vykrádá banku.
Muž odpoví: "Já ne, ale moje stará tě viděla!"
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Haďas v stř 25. bře 2009 20:25:36

Seděj manželé před televizí a povídaj si. Manžel se najednou zeptá manželky: Miláčku dokázala by jsi mi říct nějakou větu, která by mě naštvala a zároveň uspokojila? A manželka: Mno jasně. Soused ho má o dost menšího než ty.... :lol: :lol:
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Haďas v stř 25. bře 2009 21:11:14

Jde # Jeníček s tatínkem po městě a míjejí Bordel. Jeníček se ptá svého # otce: "Tatínku, co je tohle za dům?" "To je
dům radosti." "Jé,tak se tam pojď podívat." "To nejde, až jindy." Druhý den se Jeníček vypraví do domu radosti sám.
Vejde dovnitř a potká ho kuchařka. "Copak tu děláš, chlapečku?", ptá se ho. "Tatínek říkal, že je to dům radosti, tak
mi nějakou udělejte." A # tak mu kuchařka udělala 3 palačinky s čokoládou. Když přišel Jeníček # domů, otec se ho ptal
kde byl. "Byl jsem v tom domě radosti." "Proboha cože? A jaké to bylo?" "Ani se neptej. První jsem # zvládl v pohodě,
druhá už mi dala zabrat a tu třetí jsem jen roztáhl a vylízal." :lol:
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod arthoor v stř 25. bře 2009 21:15:11

Večer v spálni.
Žena si kvapká očné kvapky,
najprv jedno oko, potom druhé oko a
potom medzi nohy.
Muž jej hovorí: "To čo robíš"?
Ona mu na to: "Tá chudera už tiež dlho nič nevidela".
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod arthoor v stř 25. bře 2009 21:16:45

Starší Žid se oženil s mladou dámou a měli se hodně rádi. Avšak nezávisle na tom, jak se starý pan snažil, jeho manželka Nikdy nedosáhla orgasmu. Ale židovská manželka má nárok na sexuální uspokojení, a právě proto se obrátili o radu k rabínovi. Rabín si vyslechl jejich přání, pohladil bradku a navrhl: 'Najměte pěkného mladíka a když se budete milovat, ať ten mladík nad vámi mává ručníkem. To povzbudí Vaši manželce fantazii a určitě bude mít orgasmus.
Tak se vrátili domu, že si vyzkouší rabínovu radu. Najali pěkného mladíka a řekli mu, ať mává nad nimi ručníkem, když se budou milovat. Ale vůbec to nepomohlo a manželka nebyla uspokojena.
Zničení se vrátili k rabínovi. 'Dobře', povídá manželovi, 'tak to vyzkoušejte opačně. Ať se mladík miluje s Vaší ženou a vy nad nimi mávejte ručníkem.'
Zase se vrátili domů a následovali rabínovu radu. Mladík si lehl do postele s manželkou a starý pán začal mávat ručníkem. Mladík se s vervou pustil do práce a za chvíli manželka měla obrovský orgasmus.
Manžel se usmál, vítězně se podíval na mladíka a říká: 'Vidíš, ty nemehlo, takhle se mává ručníkem!'
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod arthoor v stř 25. bře 2009 21:18:25

Sadista, masochista, vrah, nekrofil, zoofil a pyroman sedia v záhrade psychiatrickej liečebne a strašne sa nudia.
Zoofil hovorí: "A čo keby sme fikli mačku?"
Sadista zareaguje: "Áno, poďme fiknúť mačku a potom ju
budeme mučiť!"
Vrah prispeje: "Fikneme mačku, potom ju umučíme a nakoniec ju zabijeme"
Nekrofil hovorí: "Fikneme mačku, umučíme ju, zabijeme a potom znovu fikneme!"
Pyroman sa pridá: "Fikneme mačku, umučíme ju, zabijeme,
znovu prefikneme a na koniec ju upálime!"
Zrazu ostane ticho a všetci sa pozrú na masochistu a pýtajú sa ho:
A ty čo nič nehovoríš?"
A masochista: "Mňauuuuu...."
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Haďas v pát 27. bře 2009 13:26:09

Když jsem se dnes ráno při jízdě po dálnici podíval do levého jízdního pruhu,
uviděl jsem v něm za sebou ženskou v posledním modelu BMW, která to frčela 160-kou,
a přitom si ve zpětném zrcátku malovala oční linky!
Když jsem se po ní za chvíli znova ohlídl, byla už napůl v mém jízdním pruhu a pořád si malovala ten ksicht!
Já teda něco vydržím, ale tohle mě tak vyděsilo, že jsem upustil holicí strojek,
který mi při pádu vyrazil z druhé ruky koblihu. Jak jsem se ve zmatku snažil vyrovnat vůz koleny
opřenými o volant a zároveň zachytit koblihu, vyklouzl mi mobil od ucha a spadl do kelímku s kávou,
který jsem měl mezi koleny. Kafe se vylilo, popálilo mě na koulích, zničil se mi mobil a přerušil důležitý hovor.
Zas*aný baby za volantem! :lol: :lol:
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod Haďas v čtv 11. čer 2009 19:36:11

Uživatel:
Vypnul se mi počítač. Volám admina. Přichází admin, těžce vzdychne, něco si mumlá pod nos, asi 10krát se otáčí na mé židli, kopne do počítače a ten se zapíná. Znovu si těžce povzdychne, stále mumlá a odchází. On je prostě šaman!
Je to bůh.

Admin:
Zavolali mě k uživateli. Ten idiot se pořád točil na židli, až se mu na ni namotal kabel ze zásuvky. Tiše nadávám, rozmotávám kabel, odkopávám počítač co nejdál pod stůl, aby to zase nenamotal a zapínám ho, nadávám, odcházím.
Je to prostě blb. :lol:
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2017.6.27yangping
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Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod valentino11 v pát 15. zář 2017 2:11:26

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20179.21wengdongdong

Příspěvekod yangping55 v čtv 21. zář 2017 7:01:03

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yangping55

 
Příspěvky: 196
Registrován: úte 27. čer 2017 7:43:19

Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod valentino11 v sob 23. zář 2017 4:47:34

This blog is written in 2012,Coach Outlet Store Onlinethe current Vito do not do Coach Shopping Mall, some of which may also be some old,Scarpe Nike Air Max Uomowe hope to be a reference ~

Saying that the United States and the United States also has a long time, thanks to Taobao this platform so that people can know us,Christian Louboutin Shoes but also because Taobao is a network platform, so this platform is full of quality products,Coach Outlet and some even almost The "Guaranteed genuine?" Almost we hear the most inquiries,Kate Spade Outletalthough very helpless, but also understand. Sometimes their own pricing when a search, found more than vito cheaper than the store, look, found a lot of flaws in the middle,North Face Outlethave heard of many large businesses and even the United States are fake and sold, because most people rarely To the detailed Kate Spade Outlet comparison, so vito hope to say Cheap Jordanshere some personal little experience, hope to be helpful to everyone ~



Supply articles

And before that AF identification paste the same, I think the distinction must be from Coach Pursesthe supply of origin, the current Coach formal channels only five: Coach boutiques,Coach Outlet Coach boutique official website (coach.com), Coach Factory Outlets factory shop, Coach factorySac Louis Vuittonshop official website (coachfactory.com), a variety of large department stores extremely official website, Polo Outletthe last one to buy very little, and the style is the least, do not The North Face Outletdiscuss here.



among them:

Coach boutiques: sales Coach Outletseason main push style, generally we can see in the shopping malls and advertising from here,UGG Outlets the famous series of Poppy, Kristin, etc., the general price of more than 200 US dollars, the basic perennial no discount, but will Occasionally to some old Adidas Yeezycustomers coupon, such as 75 fold card

Coach boutique official website: ibid,Kate Spade Outletbut sometimes the parts will be discounted parts, such as shoes

Coach factory The North Face Jacketsshop: that is, we often say that the outlets, some of which are Outlets special contributions, the general number will start with F,North Face Outlet these models are not sold in boutiques, all prices are discounted, the general price of less than 200 dollars. Logo Adidas NMDis also a simple Coach words, will not appear Coach carriage logo Nike Air Max Shoeslook.

Coach factory official website: belong to the discount goods in the more complete supply, but not open all year round, but Yeezy Boost 350regularly open to registered users (you can control vito to invite), usually open 48 hours each time, a purchase of 10. General factory shop in addition to the above mentioned F Red Bottom Shoesfactory shop earmarked, but also sales of some season or boutiques to remove the cabinet of fine models,UGG Boots Outletwhich are often cheaper than when the time to Louis Vuitton Outletsell about half of the bag is the most cost-effective.



Taobao is currently theAdidas Outletvast majority of purchasing are the first four channels to buy. However, Coach for its purchase number also Scarpe Sportive Nike Air Max 2017has strict rules, in general, regardless of the store or the Red Bottom Shoesofficial website, one can not buy more than 10, of which five classic C Logo canvas, five other or leather bags,Adidas Yeezy Boost 350so buy a dozen Twenty packs are basically impossible, unless you hire a lot of buyers, New Jordansbut this greatly increased the cost. So first of all, the identification of the first point is the price,Coach OutletVito feel the real seller, certainly in the number and price there is a balance, there can North Face Jacketsnot be a lot of very cheap genuine appearance, unless there Air Max 90are extraordinary channels.



Also said that the price, Coach is not Adidas Originallike other things, maybe it is very off the line, in fact, whether it is official website or physical store,Christian Louboutin Shoesthe price of each package is basically a benchmark, that is,Ray Ban Outleta price of 300 packages, 100, but whether it is the physical store or official website, will strictly enforce the discount price of 100 yuan,Nike Air Max Pas Cherthere will not be a discount store suddenly 70 yuan situation,Nike Roshe Run Pas Cherso we can also identify the time according to the number of Taobao search price, although Do not rule out some sellers Nike chaussures pas cherwith several low prices to attract customers, but if the large quantities are Ray Ban Sunglassesfar below the average price and sales are not small, we must be vigilant.



Packaging articles

As Vito is currently the main Louboutin Pas Cherfactory shop discount, so the following are based on the factory shop style, boutique Burberry Outletstyle after the experience and then add it.

Coach Factory Outlets:Coach Outletfactory shop and we usually visit the same shopping malls, and then checkout, the factory shop in the F starting goods because it is special for the discount,Guess Outlet so there is no dust bag. Is such a package,Coach OutletVito get a naked package, there is no packaging, often buyers can ask a paper bag,Nike Air MaxVito's answer is that we really do not have paper bags, ah, the first time to buy a 10 package to buy 1 bag, followed by our recent Moncler Jacketsofficial website to buy more, the official website is certainly not to the bag. The The

And the store to buy, there will be a small ticket, the current Coach Red Bottom Shoesbuyers will be additional businessmen want to shop a small gift, each bag regardless of the size of the North Face Jacketscorresponding one, gift small ticket is Burberry Scarfactually a very intimate design, above All the purchase of information, but no price, indicating that foreigners are also very taboo to let the other North Face Outletsee the price of things ~ This is undoubtedly Nike Air Max Pas Chera gambling for the purchasingmen, so there are good credentials, and do not have to tell the real Tory Burch Outletprice Buyers (even if only earn a little bit, it is estimated that all buyers are not balanced inside, hey)

But now the black heart North Face Outletof the means of business more and more clever, not to say that there must be a small ticket is true,Nike Hoodies

[Vito US purchasing] Coach bag true and false to identify Michael Kors Handbagsa little personal experience ~


First of all, starting from the Coach Outlet Onlinesmall ticket itself, it should be thermal paper, the front of the Coach size Logo, the True Religion OutletVito has seen from friends over there fake small ticket. How do we want to see a Kate Spade Outletsmall ticket, to learn about it.opposite has a variety of English description, in short, is basically nothing blank, paper is thin, feeling even a little North Face Outletthrough, from top to bottom The information is: the sale of the store address and the phone (this can be found online),Red Bottom Shoesand then is the store code, registration number, salesperson name, this part we really can not tell any useful information, then then Coach Outlet Onlinelook down, The following is the main event, first of all, GIFT RECEIPT that this is a gift small ticket, and then the goods referred to Kate Spadeas "ASHLEY LTH CRYL", also wrote in the lower part of the tag. This is the name of the package abbreviation,UGG Outletsuch as the final CRYL = CARRYALL this package has the corresponding style, the general is relatively large handbag, not Mummy bag, will not be a backpack, not a messenger bag. And then a string of 88 **** 53, Vito guess the goods number of the business, for management,Coach Factory Outlet we generally do not see the number in the mall,True Religionbut because it is used for management is not used for external display, Vito think Nike Air Maxof Will it be the same as AF? Before the introduction, AF piracy is not scanning the bar North Face Outletcode, vito hand without coach fake, so I have not tried the same can not be the same as the model, if you look at the appropriate examples may wish to Air Jordan Pas Cher send a vito, In addition, the same style, with a color number of the goods should be the same code, do not worry can be found in Burberry OutletTaobao a tag to compare the look, look at the bar Red Bottom Shoescode out of the corresponding number of right And then down is the number,Michael Korscolor, the number of the. Basic lack of reference.



There are also a lot of children's shoes to ask is that the general bag inYeezy Boost 350 v2the zipper are generally under the cortex of the factory chapter, this almost every big bag will have, the Burberry Outletabove will indicate the origin, the other will Christian Louboutin Outlethave a number below, in front of the part Description of the production batch, but the specific rules of vito not yet understand, but it is certain Kate Spade Outletthat this number Red Bottom Shoesis not unique, that is, a style of the package, within the leather with the above number may be completely consistent! Because it is the same batch of production! Behind the beginning Scarpe Nike Air Maxof the F or the number, should be and small ticket, tag exactly Louis Vuitton Outletthe same.
valentino11

 
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xiaozheng6666

Příspěvekod xiaozheng6666 v úte 24. říj 2017 11:12:12

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Příspěvky: 36
Registrován: úte 24. říj 2017 9:37:06

Re: Textové vtipy

Příspěvekod valentino11 v sob 11. lis 2017 10:27:24

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